“Good Christians regularly raise unspoken prayer requests for__________” A Creed Card Talk/Reflection

Silence reigns as everyone awkwardly stares at the floor, the ceiling, and into the ethereal middle distance between eyes. The clever ones bow heads and pretend to pray. But all are individually thinking about that thing draining their minds of life. That thing they will not share with the rest of the group.

The unspoken prayer request is a staple of protestant youth groups, CCD classes, college Bible studies, and church small groups. They are what remain after the public prayers are heard. They are the shame of our crisis. The sin we pretend is private. The blessing we fear will sound like a brag. The worry we hide. The sum total of all we don’t want others to know about us because we’re afraid of what they will think:

"I don’t want them to know that I struggle with this . . .”

“My problems are not as important as what she just said . . .”

“They’ll know I think about those things . . .”

“They will think that I am just complaining . . .”

“This too will pass. No need to have other people involved . . .”

and besides,

“God knows what’s in my heart, so I don’t have to say it out loud.”

This last is the most Hell worthy, pretending to be holy, bullshit, cop-out we know.

To be clear: There are things you should keep to yourself. Sometimes, in some places, in some contexts, you should keep your God-loving mouth shut. But beyond those times of wise silence who do you trust? Who are you talking to about that-which-shall-not-be-named? If the answer is “no one,” your state of affairs is so much worse than you may have imaged.

The concept of the 3am friend is nothing new: the person you can call at three in the morning and they will be there physically, emotionally, and/or spiritually. The entire legal system in the Hebrew Bible was predicated on relationships within community, in terms of both not doing to others what you would have done to you, as well as the mitzvoth— acts of love and service— done not only for family, superiors, and social equals, but the marginalized and liminal: the poor, the widow, the orphan, the stranger.

We know that two heads are better than one, in work, in love, in laughter, in sadness. When we fall we need someone to lift us up, and God help the person who falls when they are alone. Even better is group of friends, for a threefold cord is not quickly broken (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12).

We know that healing comes through talking about our faults and troubles, and through praying with others (James 5:16); we know that time spent with other of the same mind is how we can push each other to do better in life (Hebrews 10:24-25);  and we know that with all the talk about forgiving each other (Matthew 6:12-14,  Mark 11:25, Luke 17:3-4,  2 Corinthians 2:10-11,  Ephesians 4:32,  Colossians 3:13)  , know that we are called to love one another (John 13:34).

But to love each other we must allow others to love us. We must love ourselves by allowing other people into our lives. We must accept grace as much, if not more than, we extend it to others.

Perhaps we need to re-examine the value of friendship and community. We can’t go it alone. At least not well and not for long.

But what do we know. We made this game and you probably think we’re going to Hell.

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"Being long dead before the Lord answers your prayer" (Jeremiah 29:10-11)

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." (Jer 29:11)

Oh how good Christians love this verse as long as it is taken completely out of context.

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In the 29th chapter of Jeremiah, the prophet writes a letter to the people in Exile: the people who have been taken away as captives from their homes. People in pain and mourning. The people writing Psalm 137 and wanting the heads of enemy babies dashed against rocks. [More on that here]

The above words are the most famous from this letter because they are so comforting. But they are only some of Jeremiah's statements to them. Good Christians tend to ignore the rest of the words, because they can be as jarring to our modern senses as they must have been to the hearts of the original audience. Before Jeremiah relays God's plans for a hope-filled future, he outlines the present God wants the people to live in.

Paraphrased, "Thus says the Lord":

Make yourself comfortable. Buy a house. Make it look nice. Plant some flowers and crops. Eat something. (vs 5)

Get married and make a lot of babies. When they grow up, find them spouses. Then spoil your grandkids. (vs 6)

Pray that only good things will happen to your oppressors. Yes, I said, "good things." Not bad. And if anyone tells you that it's My Will for bad things to happen to them, or for all of you to leave Exile, to be rescued, they are liars. I want all of you to stay there. (vs. 7-9)

It's going to be at least 70 years until I save the people. You're probably going to die there. (vs. 10)

For surely I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans for your welfare and not for harm, to give you a future with hope. (vs. 11)

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A good Christian has a habit of making this his/her "life verse" without acknowledging two things:

1. The "you" in the passage is plural, not singular. God is speaking to the people as a whole, not one individual.

2. God was asking the Israelites in Exile to accept the situation as it was presented, and continue to live and serve.

The people who heard these words were told that they would die in Exile, but their children and grand-children would survive. Their descendants would live in the promised future. Thus these were not words about individual salvation, but rather communal commission.

In the midst of the captivity, under oppression, when things were not as they should be, God asked them to stay faithful and teach their children how to do so as well, even though they would not see home again.

Perhaps God asks the same thing of us as well. (But who wants that as a "life verse"?)

Perhaps this is why the Church and the Synagogue has upheld the example of Esther and Susannah, Hananiah, Mishael and Azariah, and the prophet Daniel: young people who were raised to stand strong and survive in an oppressive culture by their families. Even though the ones who raised them didn't make it out alive. Even though they didn't make it out alive.

Perhaps we could apply the words of this letter to our lives personally by twisting them to say that God will deliver us individually from some present or future aliment if we view our selves as the Exiles and their children and grandchildren in the text. But this seems like a stretch.

Perhaps it is better to read them in context and see them as words which teach us to hold on, to endure, to encourage others in our community when we are going through trouble, when certain realities will not change for us.

Perhaps we can continue to love others regardless of our fate, and find more appropriate passages which speak to God's rescue of our individual lives.

But what do we know: we made this game and you probably think we're going to Hell.

"King Solomon needed so many women because he was over-compensating for _____. "

1 Kings 11:3 records that among Solomon's women were 700 princesses and 300 concubines. A close reading of the Hebrew indicates that this verse is merely recording the number of foreign wives and concubines, not the total number of his women, which means that he had many more wives than this. The focus of the passage is on the women who worshiped gods other than YHWH and Solomon's building of high places and altars to those gods, which begs the question, what happened to Solomon? He was raised to be a good Jewish boy, and good Jewish boys don't marry shiksas, let alone 1000 of them. Seriously. Was the sex that good?

Our two cents: Solomon had mommy and daddy issues.

Read through 1 Kings chapter 1. This part of the "succession narrative" shows that David had no intention of making Solomon king until Bathsheba and Nathan got involved. Taking her cue from the story of Rebekah and Jacob screwing Esau out of his birthright, Bathsheba makes sure her little boy gets the crown by twisting the reality of a frail, old man who can't stay warm even with a beautiful young co-ed wrapped around his body.

Solomon had to live with this knowledge and the fact that his head never quite fully exited Bathsheba's womb; that it was her maternal manipulation that got him the throne, not the divine anointing his father received — attention from on high even Saul was allowed.

Because Solomon's kingdom begins with barely concealed deceit, there were immediate repercussions in the kingdom: an eminent civil war between those who have aligned themselves behind the rightful king (Adonijah, the eldest brother). A war is avoided because Solomon exiles or executes everyone who would stand against him; however, one should not miss that the text records Bathsheba's role in Adonijah's death.

Yes, Solomon built the Temple and centralized worship for the United Monarchy, but he did so on the backs of his people. The Hebrew text describes Solomon's actions in the same ways it does the Pharaoh who stood against Moses and Aaron. Solomon amassed wealth while enslaving his own people, creating Egyptian-like conditions in Israel. And while Solomon built one Temple to YHWH, he built countless more altars to "Astarte the goddess of the Sidonians, and Milcom the abomination of the Ammonites, and "built a high place for Chemosh the abomination of Moab, and for Molech the abomination of the Ammonites ... did the same for all his foreign wives, who offered incense and sacrificed to their gods." (1 Kings 11:4-8) And who physically built those altars? The enslaved people of Israel.

If we believe the sages of tradition, Solomon spent the rest of his life gathering wisdom and wine, whores and wives, vanities upon vanities. In the end his kingdom is divided and his legacy is the punch-line/by-word of the Deuteronomist's warning against kings. (c.f. Deuteronomy 17:14-20)

Perhaps this is part of the reason the book of Ecclesiastes is attributed to him: a book of wisdom and regret after a life ill-spent.

Perhaps he knew of his moral downfall and needed something to keep his mind off of his troubles. Something to keep him warm at night.

Perhaps this is why Solomon needed so many wives and concubines.

Perhaps the king had 99 problems and ...

But what do we know: we made this game and you probably think we're going to hell.

Jesus needing 2-3 people in order to show up (Matthew 18:20)

We’ll keep this example of Christians using a passage out of context so often that it has become a time honored Bible bastardization that no one blinks an eyes at, brief. A Christian cliché at its finest and most painful.

Most of us have heard someone say, “… for we know where 2 or 3 are gathered in Your name …”

Which normally translates as:

“Only a handful of people showed up for Wednesday night prayer meeting, but we’re going to continue anyway, because where 2 or 3 are gathered …”

Or

“God, we know you can do this thing we are asking for, even though there are only a few of us asking, because where 2 or 3 are gathered …”

Or

Some other example of “we have a small number of people, but God, You’re beholden to do what we want because the Bible says so.”

Can we read the passage in context? Please? Just once. Here is what Matthew 18:15-20 actually says:

“If another member of the church sins against you, go and point out the fault when the two of you are alone. If the member listens to you, you have regained that one. But if you are not listened to, take one or two others along with you, so that every word may be confirmed by the evidence of two or three witnesses. If the member refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if the offender refuses to listen even to the church, let such a one be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.

Truly I tell you, whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven. Again, truly I tell you, if two of you agree on earth about anything you ask, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven. For where two or three are gathered in my name, I am there among them.”

The passage is dealing with Church discipline. The number of people specified harkens back to Deuteronomy 19:15’s injunction that it takes multiple people (witnesses) to bring charges against someone in the community.

Hence, as a wise friend with more theological letters behind his name than us once said, this passage is best summarized by saying, “where two or three are gathered in His Name, you suck.”

Besides the actually context of the passage, do you think God isn’t present when only 1 person is present in His Name? How’s your theology on that one?

Perhaps we can stop using pithy biblical statements and actually read the words.

Perhaps it’s time that we #BibleResponsibly.

But what do we know: we made this game and you probably think we’re going to Hell.

Casting the first stone (John 8:7)

The death of Fred Phelps has been met with every emotion from exuberant joy to abject sadness. (Did you forget that Fred had a family who loved him, and that there are people in the world, good people, who mourn with those who mourn, people who grieve the death of all who bear the image of God?)

Between the calls for ironic protests of his funeral, and the cries against such protests, we've been thinking about the words of Christ in John 8 — "he who is without sin, cast the first stone" — esp. since we have a card about it.

When a woman was caught in adultery, and the religious leaders told Jesus that the Law required her to death, Jesus was the only one with the needed credentials to cast that first stone, but He didn't. Jesus, the fullness of grace and truth (John 1:14), told the woman to "go and sin no more:" He called her actions sin (truth), but did not sentence her to death (grace).

Like we said, with the passing of Phelps we've been thinking about this card in light of "good christian" responses to his sins. But then we remembered we had another card based on this same passage of Scripture: Jesus writing something in the sand (probably what type of an asshole you are) [John 8:1-11].

Because the woman caught in adultery wasn't the only sinner in the story: Jesus calls the assembled, ready-to-throw-stones masses on their crap as well.

Why is Fred's sin worse than yours? Worse than mine? Don't you have hate, malice in your heart at times, which you rationalize as righteous indignation? In your car, at the dinner table, over drinks, don't you spout the good and godly reasons you have for utterly despising "those people"? The people with their selfish agendas. The people causing the downfall of this country. The people with eye-gouge-worthy, insipid screeds. The mean, the ugly, the inhospitable. The self-centered bastards who are nothing like you.

[Jesus shakes His head and continues writing in the sand.]

From Jesus' perspective, what kind of an asshole are you? What would He write in the sand about you? Which sins would He enumerate? What words would you read to drop the stones from your hands, turn away, and perhaps get your own house in order?

Perhaps we should all pray that Jesus remains more loving, more forgiving than we seem to be.

But what do we know: we've accepted the truth that we'reassholes, sinners who made this game — yet saved by Grace — and you probably think we're going to Hell anyway.

People who misquote Jesus’ teaching on judging people. (Matthew 7:1-2)

“Only God can judge me.”

Dear good christian friend,that’s a great FB quote, tweet, email signature, tattoo you have permanently inscribed into your body. But we have a question: Only God can judge you? Really? Where did you get that stupid, stupid, stupid idea from? Tupac? Please tell us it wasn’t Tupac. Not that there is anything wrong with Tupac, but if you are basing your epistemology and ultimate eschatology on an admittedly dope hip hop lyric, then we clearly don’t pray for you enough and this conversation is going to be more painful than we thought (And if it was Miley Cyrus, just stop breathing. Now.). 

Mostly we hope you’re not one of those people who actually misquote Matthew 7 as justification for this position: “Don’t judge me man! Even Jesus said that. Matthew 7:1 says do not judge, so that you may not be judged. So don’t judge me bro: It’s in the Bible!” Let’s read the passage in context (as one always should), which means we need to start in chapter 6.

Jesus says:

So whenever you give alms, do not sound a trumpet before you, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets, so that they may be praised by others. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward. But when you give alms, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your alms may be done in secret; and your Father who sees in secret will reward you. (Matthew 6:2-4)

And

And whenever you pray, do not be like the hypocrites; for they love to stand and pray in the synagogues and at the street corners, so that they may be seen by others. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward. But whenever you pray, go into your room and shut the door and pray to your Father who is in secret; and your Father who sees in secret will reward you. (Matthew 6:5-6)

And

And whenever you fast, do not look dismal, like the hypocrites, for they disfigure their faces so as to show others that they are fasting. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward. But when you fast, put oil on your head and wash your face, 18 so that your fasting may be seen not by others but by your Father who is in secret; and your Father who sees in secret will reward you. (Matthew 6:16-17)

Notice who the word “hypocrite” keeps coming up? Now we arrive at our Card Talk passage:

“Do not judge, so that you may not be judged.  For with the judgment you make you will be judged, and the measure you give will be the measure you get.  Why do you see the speck in your neighbor’s eye, but do not notice the log in your own eye?  Or how can you say to your neighbor, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ while the log is in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your neighbor’s eye.  (Matthew 7:1-4)

 

Jesus does not say “don’t judge.” He says don’t be a hypocrite, judging people by a different standard than what you hold yourself to. Don’t be like the people (the hypocrites) in the previous passages who also held a double standard of behavior.

Why do we even take the time to point this out (other than our general annoyance at people using the Bible for bad cultural cliches)? Because the most disturbing thing about the bastardization of this passage is that this phrase is usually used to excuse the exact type of behavior that needs to be judged: the times where a person who loves someone with a “don’t judge me bro!” mentality, should step in with a rolled up newspaper, swat them on the nose, and say, “No. Bad.”

Christianity is based on community: a group of people called to a common cause of loving God, each other, the world, and themselves. Community requires making judgments about the actions of members of the community, because those actions affect that one community member, but also the other members in the community. Judgment requires saying, “this is not okay” at times.

And judgment is not the same as condemnation, it’s love. Love requires judgment. And judgment, love, sometimes requires telling someone:

You really shouldn’t wear that in public. Or in private. Burn that. Right now.

For the love of everything holy, golf balls were not made for that purpose.

You said you were sticking to your diet this time. What’s the deal?

You’ve had way too much to drink: give me your keys.

You’re a drug addict and you need to get help.

You really need to reconcile with  …  

Your actions are hurting  …

You were wrong.

Those things require judgment.  Saying them requires love.

Perhaps you should worry if your repeated series of bad life decisions are what fuel your need to tell people to not judge you.

Perhaps you should worry about what happens when the people who love you, your community, stops judging you.

But what do we know: we made this game and you probably think we’re going to Hell. 

A pair of she bears mauling a class of kindergartners (2 Kings 2:23-25)

Seriously God: Your holy men have nothing better to do than to call down your divine wrath on a group of carefree, playground loving, their whole cute lives ahead of them infants?! But of course, we don’t think that’s what happened: we wrote the card that made a better story. Sorry.

This is not a story about a bunch of little kids making fun of a prophet because he is bald, the prophet getting pissed, and God sending a pair of bears to maul them. That doesn’t even make sense. Why the hell would a group of little kids run up to Elisha, telling him to go away because he’s bald? Wouldn’t a prophet have compassion on a group of little kids simply acting like little kids? Wouldn’t the prophet curse the parents instead of the kids, just like you shoot evil looks at parents unable to control unruly kids in the supermarket aisle? 

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When critiquing the evil of this passage, most people are used to the King James Version:

And he went up from thence unto Bethel: and as he was going up by the way, there came forth little children out of the city, and mocked him, and said unto him, Go up, thou bald head; go up, thou bald head.

Some other translations identifying the ones who mocked the prophet Elisha as “boys” (NIV), “small boys” (ESV), and even “young lads” (NASB), but most are unaware that these translations made a specific decision on a difficult passage, because in the Hebrew there is no specific age attached to the identity of the mockers. We know their gender is male and that they are not elders in the community. Otherwise, we actually are not told how old they are.

The Hebrew says Elisha was approached by nə’arim qətannim. These are the words in contention. While qatan can be translated to mean “little,” it often has the nuance of something being “not important” compared to something else, to be “insignificant.” Similarly, na’ar is translated as “young man” or “servant” the vast majority of the times it appears in the Bible. Thus translations like the New King James Version uses “youths” for this passage and the Jubilee Bible presents both “young men” and “servants” in its translation.

We believe the International Standard Version (and a whole host of commentary writers and scholars who do their own translations, but what sort of a nerd reads those?) have the most appropriate translation of the passage:

Later, Elisha left there to go up to Bethel, and as he was traveling along the road, some insignificant young men came from the city and started mocking him.

This translation fits the context of the passage.

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When the mockers tell Elisha him to “go up” (’alah) they are alluding to when the prophet Elijah— Elisha’s mentor— went up (’alah) in the chariot of fire in vs. 11. These insignificant young men aren’t making fun of Elisha because he’s bald; they are challenging Elisha’s power as a prophet of the Most High God.

At best their taunts are saying, “if you’re so great, ascend like Elijah did!” At worst, “we don’t want people who speak for God among us: ascend to heaven like Elijah did!” Either way their words are an assault on God, not Elisha’s baldness (but throwing the baldness in there was a dick move).

Think we’re full of more crap than usual? Read through all of chapter 2: When Elisha knows that Elijah will be leaving him, he asked that his divine power be passed on to him (vs.9-10) . After Elijah “goes up” (vs. 11-12)we are met with multiple stories showing the transfer of that power to Elisha (vs. 13-22). This is immediately followed by a direct challenge of this power by the group young men.

Let’s also not forget the numbers we do have: 42. This is not a small group: it’s a mob. Imagine being surrounded by 42 guys between the ages of 13 and 20 who are screaming in your face, taunting your bald head, and blaspheming against your God: how safe do you feel? (On the other hand, for those people desperate for some reason to believe that the verse really means 42 small kids, how safe would you feel surrounded by a group of 42 kindergartners? Seriously, how many could you take in a fight?)

We should also take into consideration that we do not have the content of Elisha’s curse: he may not have specifically asked for she-bears to maul them, he might have called for bunnies. The passage only says He cursed them in the name of the LORD (vs. 24), and since the insult was to God, God took care of them His way.

Perhaps the things we say about God and those who attempt to do God’s will matter.

Perhaps there are real and metaphoric bears waiting for us to run our damn mouths one too many times.

But what do we know: we made this game and you probably think we’re going to Hell.

Saul hiding in the lost luggage (1 Samuel 10:21-22)

When we read this passage we always feel a little sorry for Saul, and sympathy is not an emotion often thrown his way. Saul is forever the villain: the epitome of the corrupt politician, unjust ruler, evil father-in-law, and sore loser all rolled up into one perfectly crafted, ball of biblical insanity. A host of evil characters from the Brothers Grimm and Disney movies could learn a thing or three from Saul’s antics. This is made more poignant when we remember that, biblically, Saul's whole purpose is to be David's foil: the mean older monarch the young and ruddy shepherd-warrior-poet protagonist must overcome to fulfill his destiny. But there is more to Saul than is often considered.

From the very beginning Saul wanted no part in being the king of Israel. In 1 Samuel chapter 9, when Samuel informs Saul he will be king, Saul is incredulous: he was simply out looking for his father’s missing donkeys (1 Samuel 9:21). So when Saul returns home, he doesn’t tell his family about his anointing (1 Samuel 10:16). After this, when he is to be declared king in front of the nation, he hides in the luggage and has to be dragged into the limelight.

But can we really blame him?

Saul was being told it was his job to unify the numerous families, which made up the clans, which were loosely aligned into 12 tribes, which were geographically separated as two semi-nation states, each with their own priesthoods (to say nothing of the various Canaanite religions generally frowned upon), into one theocratic monarchy for the first time in the Children of Israel’s history. Who wants that type of responsibility? Ain’t nobody got time for that. You might have hid in the luggage as well, or pulled a Jonah and took off altogether.

To this should be added the suggestion that 1 Samuel represents Saul as clearly suffering from some sort of mental illness. We leave it to you to determine if this was a spiritual punishment from God, or a non-divinely imposed, chemical imbalance in the brain, later explained as punishment. [see 1 Samuel 16:14-23] However you look at it, no one ever gives Saul a break, and the text does not seem to want us to.

Even the background of the text sets the knowledgeable reader up to be suspicious of Saul from jump. The Book of Judges ends in a way designed for the reader to negatively view Saul when he arrives on the scene. It is important to note that in the Hebrew Bible, the Book of Ruth does not separate the narrative which moves from Judges into the Books of Samuel. 

Judges ends with the gang rape, murder, and dismemberment of a woman from Bethlehem, which was the catalyst for a civil war. All of this begins in the town of Gibeah, which is a part of the tribe of Benjamin. Benjamin raises their spears and slings against their fellow tribes, and thousands die on all sides. The book ends with the utter chaos and evil that is rampant in society. A few pages later, in Samuel, the narrative returns to the town of Gibeah as Saul’s home and the place he will designate as his capital. We also learn that Saul is from the tribe of Benjamin. Later David enters the story and is soon persecuted by Saul. David is from Bethlehem, just like the woman who was assaulted and desecrated in Judges, though unlike her, David is able to make it out of Gibeah alive. Like we said, all signs point to hating on Saul by design, but why should we care?

Perhaps it is important to remember that Saul was chosen by God, and as such Saul could have made it work despite his personal shortcomings and misgivings. The Hebrew Bible is filled with marginal characters who get the job done despite themselves, with the help of God (e.g. Moses, Gideon, Elijah).

However, perhaps it is more important to remember that there are those who are better served by our support than our recriminations. Those who could use a hand or a break.

Perhaps we should sometimes give ourselves a break.

This in no way excuses poor behavior, bad life choices, or absolves us from being invested in the lives of other to help them not make piss-poor decisions of their own: ideas we’ve discussed before here, here, and here. But perhaps this is a perspective that bears repeating and we can take with us when we or others fail.

But what do we know: we made this game and you probably think we’re going to Hell.